Beijing Olympics 2012 – let ‘em have it
A controversial suggestion
But hear me out. Britain can’t afford it, doesn’t have the resources, manpower, or infrastructure. She also harbours dozens of terrorists rubbing their hands with glee at the opportunity to make a bang in the spotlight. Old Blighty badly needs an exit strategy, and this is it: send the Games back to where they came from.
Setting aside the pettiness of China’s hollow promises with regard to press freedom, the shabby treatment of many of its own citizens for extra presentation points, and some questionable practices in the name of gold, Beijing’s organisation of the Games themselves was outstanding. Plus, and here’s the real clincher, they’ve got a birdsnest lying around with nothing better to do other than accommodate the occasional interest of structural engineers looking for cracks in the architecture. Well, make ready with the Polyfilla boys, because you might be needing the nest for one more gathering of hatchlings.
The ultimate joint venture
Britain can spin it as the spirit of cooperation in a globally interdependent age and Beijing can propagandise the whole thing as ‘the west needs our help; benevolent, peace-loving China heeds the call’. Just imagine; both flags flying side by side. Hu and Brown (assuming he’s still inside No. 10) singing the Internationale at the opening ceremony, which would naturally include re-enactments of the Boxer Rebellion, the Opium Wars, and the handing over of Hong Kong. Personally, I would prefer a contemporary re-working of 6/4 with London buses replacing tanks. Probably a non-starter.
The possibilities are endless. Sino-UK relations can be cemented with the ceremonial return of a relic or two – a couple of opium pipes perhaps. On the athletic front, Liu Xiang would have a second chance on home soil, and He Kexin would get an opportunity to compete as a legally-aged gymnast. Further, Beijing taxi drivers can look forward to a gathering of easy victims the like of which they thought they’d never see again in their lifetimes.
And Beijing needn’t trouble itself over the cost of a fireworks display, they can just run the same footage as last year and call it ’environmental pyrotechnics.’ Residents of the capital will be delighted because the sky will turn blue again and they’ll be able to see their neighbours’ houses when they open the curtains in the morning.
Sure, there will be a few issues to smooth over - at which point the opium pipes might come in handy - but it’s a marriage made in heaven, I tell you. Somebody please forward this proposal to Boris, Seb, and Gordon right now. Seriously, can anyone see a downside here?
April 29th, 2009 at 5:39 am
LoL, nice.
April 29th, 2009 at 5:47 am
Thanks for popping over to my humble site, Kai.
I really feel Britain is in too deep to be thinking about holding the Olympics. Paris must be thanking the gods they pray to that one of the guys on the OC voted the wrong way.
I’m not sure why, but it’s only been recently that I’ve become aware of the quality of the posts at CNreviews, hence your appearance on my blogroll.
April 29th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
You think the Chinese are retarded or what, stuart? After getting grilled by you people many are saying “never ever do it (the Olympics) again!”
Thanks but no thanks, you can have it. I wish you people the best the luck. You will need it.
May 1st, 2009 at 12:51 pm
Despite what you think the UK government should just let China run the Olympics, I doubt that would happen. London is going to run their barebones Olympics, building their temporary stadium, overcharging fish and chips as well overcharging the broadcasters for exclusive rights to broadcast the Olympics. If the US can get cheap on the 1996 Atlanta Olympics and made money so can the UK.
May 1st, 2009 at 1:05 pm
Oh, the UK can also make tons of money thru sponsorships, spray paint Barclays, HBOs, Lloyds HSBC and RBS logo all around the London Olympic Stadium, have the magic circle law firms to put their logos around the All England Club. Have Shell and BP put up their flags around the O2 stadium. Have BHP and GlaxoSmithKline putting their logos on Athlete’s uniforms. UK can generate millions of pounds easily.
May 1st, 2009 at 11:22 pm
Thanks for your comments, pug.
I’m no expert on these matters, but I don’t think it’s so easy to make the Games in Britain financially viable – and there’s more than the money to consider.
Beijing only had to worry about a few protesters waving flags of the wrong colour; security issues in London are going to be infinitely more complex – and it’s not flags, banners, and opinion that scares them.
That aside, Britain is in a mess and could do with concentrating energy and resources on more important matters.
May 3rd, 2009 at 3:53 pm
The idea was never raised by the Chinese. The vast majority of the Chinese people don’t even know about this. Yet somehow we, by not suggesting we should host the Olympics again, and by not even participating in the discussion, became the target of this blog again…
It really is a self-serving piece.
May 3rd, 2009 at 8:10 pm
Wooddoo, thanks for sharing your thoughts.
On this occasion, however, your knee-jerk defence of the Motherland is misplaced. The only ‘target’ here is the UK’s inability to get the job done.
I suggest you read it again.
May 7th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
I honestly can’t understand why any government would want to host the Olympics anymore–it’s just too expensive. But I do like the idea of “environmental pyrotechnics.”
May 7th, 2009 at 9:36 pm
“But I do like the idea of “environmental pyrotechnics.””
Thanks for visiting, Matt. I’m surprised this wasn’t the spin used by Beijing when they got caught faking at last year’s opening ceremony.