Great Leader; Dear Leader; Beer Leader?
Great Leader
Kim Il Sung, otherwise known as ‘Great Leader‘ or ’Eternal President’, perfected autocratic rule after North Korea’s 1948 birth, taking the idea of a personality cult and putting it on a medication of amphetamines.
According to Wikipedia:
Often North Korean sources place him as an “almighty spirit”, that “created the world“, and that he was born and died in human form, almost in a similar manner to Jesus Christ.
That’s a pretty hard act to follow. But when your gene pool contains such providential characteristics it’s hardly surprising that your seed produces very special fruit. Thus, having thrust his loins in majestic union in the summer of 1941, a Dear Leader was only nine months away.
Dear Leader
Learning a trick or two from the old man, Kim Jong Il has stretched hero worship well beyond the boundaries of humorous hyperbole. For example, the Dear Leader’s modesty is the only reason why you may not be aware that he is in fact the greatest golfer on the planet, having completed Pyongyang Golf Club’s Par 72 course in only 34 shots in 1994:
Resident professional, Park Young Man, together with Kim’s 17 armed bodyguards, can attest that Kim played the full eighteen, all holed out, off the back tees on a crisp autumn morning in October 1994. “He is an excellent golfer,” said Mr. Park, noting that “Dear Leader Comrade General Kim Jong-Il, whom I respect from the bottom of my heart, scored two on this hole.” But there was even better to come, as Kim’s amazing round included a world record five holes in one!
Sadly, Dear Leader is about to shuffle off his immortal golfing coil in readiness for the next reincarnation; please enter, son and demigod-apparent, Kim Jong Un.
- Beer Leader?
The most pressing issue for North Korea in the event of Dear Leader’s expected earthly demise will be to choose a suitable title for his successor. Kim Jong Un doesn’t really set the pulse racing or make for decent satire. What we need is a ‘leader’. Early favourite for the youngster is ‘Jong-Claude Van Leader’, following reports that he is a fan of Belgian actor J-C Van Damme (a pretty worrying inclination for a dictator-in-waiting). Alternatively, to provide a non-DPRK spin on the same theme, how about ’that Damme Leader’? Either way very little is known about Kim Jong Un - just the sort of young mystery package the doctor ordered for a volatile Korean peninsula. Again from Wikipedia: