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Today is Igor Stravinsky’s birthday.

How do I know this? Is it that I have a penchant for hoarding useless factoids? Perhaps it’s been hardwired into my brain by my old music teacher, who mocked my lack of talent by calling me “Stravinsky Stu”.  Or is it because I’ve spent too many hours watching trivia-based quiz shows on TV?

http://www.google.co.uk/

No. None of these. I know it’s Stravinsky’s birthday because Google tell me it is by the fancy artwork (and the caption) incorporated into their homepage logo. This is common practice on notable – and not so notable – anniversaries. And I think it’s a nice touch, often interweaving the day’s theme in subtle and artistically intelligent ways. The resulting logos are both informative and visually appealing.

Barely two weeks ago there passed an anniversary that escaped few people’s notice. So where were you Google? Where was the clever tank, wheels creatively derived from the standard logo? Where was the abstract Tank Man, bags of shopping represented by one ‘O’ in each hand as he confronted a menacing line of armoured vehicles?

Exactly. You knew what day it was. You knew the significance. And you ducked it.

Next year is the Tank Man’s 21st birthday. Call your artwork people now so they’ve got plenty of time to make it as subtle as you need them to. If you can give us Stravinsky, the structure of DNA, and the anniversary of a breakthrough in the understanding of fractional geometry, then you can surely remember something of far greater significance. After all, you have nothing better to offer as a 6/4 anniversary. Because that’s what you did: you offered nothing.

Foolishly perhaps, I expected more from Google.

Five things I see ...

1. China comfortably wins most gold medals. This is the easy one. No stone has been left unturned to ensure this eventuality, despite the rather disingenuous downplaying of expectations by the Chinese. If anyone is contemplating a speculative investment on the stock market, my advice would be to visit your local bookmaker instead and bet on China to win most gold (as opposed to most medals). Odds may appear prohibitive, but you will collect. The bonus with this strategy is that if the hosts find a way to bend the rules in their athletes’ favour, their ‘gold by any means’ mentality will be working for you. Besides, it’s the only way you’ll get a buzz out of CCTV’s coverage of pistol shooting.

2. Beijing 2008 is declared ‘the best Olympiad ever.’ Whatever the excellence of facilities and stewardship, this accolade will not be deserved due to all the broken promises, forced evictions, media restrictions, and petty micro-managing. Such a declaration will have nothing to do with objective measurement and everything to do with the extent to which the Chinese have got IOC president Jacques Rogge by the goolies. I’m not sure what they’ve got on him, but it’s enough to keep him in line for a closing speech that will produce a billion orgasmic cries of delight. My guess is BOCOG have compromising pictures of Rogge receiving a complimentary full-body massage.

3. Security scuffles over flags and t-shirts. Beijing’s finest (and military personnel) have been placed on high alert to look for flags that are not red with five stars, and for clothing slogans that deviate in any way from “Zhongguo jia you”. Such items will be measured (flags) or removed (clothing) if they are found to contravene BOCOG’s paranoid guidelines. Thus, when a surly uniform tells a baffled visitor that the banner is a centimeter too big or that ”Go USA” is not an authorised slogan, expect a tug of war to ensue that will result in torn fabric and fisticuffs. American, British, French, or Japanese flags may even be incinerated for you. There will be no charge for this service.

Wearing slogan-less apparel is no guarantee, either. Stadium pleasure seekers should be aware that they will be denied entry to events if wearing similarly coloured/styled clothing. Such fashion coordination has been identified by Beijing as an indicator of foreign troublemaking. I would feel proud if that was a joke. I’m not and it isn’t. 

4. Beijing taxi drivers will be sending their kids overseas next year. This confident prediction is based on both personal experience and the anecdotes of a thousand others that have tangled with the capital’s fleet of cabbies. They’re going to make a mint. With so much tender and non-savvy foreign meat to feed on, these boys are going to make a tank full of piranha seem like a litter of newborn kittens. No manner of written or spoken warning will be sufficient to save the unwary. It won’t be pretty, although Beijing will insist that it is.

To avoid being ripped off by one of these jackals you will need: at least three years residence in the capital behind you; a map of the city implanted in the frontal lobe; minimum upper-intermediate Mandarin; the ability to watch the meter and the road (to circumvent the mystery detour) at the same time; the capacity to shout aggressively when they pretend not to hear your instructions to stop.  If you can do all this and more; then you will be a man, my son. You will also be on every Beijing cabby’s blacklist.

(Update: here’s another reason to be mindful of Beijing’s taxis. Unbelievable! Or is it?)

5. A moment of cheating sporting controversy. I’ll be happy to get this one wrong, but I believe we’ll see a moment where fair competition is compromised by the desire for gold. When expectations are so high, when pressure is so great, and when gold medals are given meaning beyond athletic excellence, human nature has a tendency to step outside the boundaries of Olympic sportsmanship and ideals. And I’m not just referring to competitors, but also to officials and spectators.

Liu Xiang has already been told (quite disgracefully, but in keeping with Beijing’s motivational style) that if he doesn’t successfully defend his 110m hurdles title at the Birds Nest, his past accomplishments “will be meaningless”.  Now, if China’s authorities are putting this kind of pressure on an athlete, what sort of influence (subtle or otherwise) might they bring to bear on, say, the false-start officials during the 110m hurdles final? I’ll be watching very closely.

China’s national anthem calls for its people to ’stand up’. What it fails to say, and what too few people in China care about, is that it’s the manner in which one stands up that counts. I hope that even if Liu Xiang fails in his bid for back-to-back Olympic gold, the 90 000 in the stadium will rise to both the winner and a man who did his best under intolerable pressure.

China Daily’s Olympic spotlight page brings us news of the latest security measures to be implemented at the Games’ venues. Let’s take a closer look:

Guns, drugs, explosives, and poisonous and radioactive materials will be banned from Beijing’s Olympic venues, a security official said Thursday.

Now really!! How can we be expected to enjoy ourselves without a bit of unstable uranium isotope to elevate the spirit? OK, alright, yes, yes, fine! I can live without an encounter with critical mass, but what’s all this nonsense about banning poison, guns, drugs, and explosives? These security boys are a bunch of real joy killers. Must be a cultural thing.

Animals, drinks, radio equipment, and banners and oversized flags will also be prohibited…

Australians can be totally out of control, and we don’t want any kangaroos putting Liu Xiang to shame in the 100m hurdles, so fair dinkum to that policy. Oversized flags could be more problematic. Given that colour contrasts can produce optical illusions and security personnel will have two decades of anti-Japanese rhetoric behind them, it may be that a red circle on a white background suddenly looks bigger than it really is. We’ll see.

What next? Radio equipment. I’m not sure about this one. Many people attending venues, both foreign and Chinese, will want to keep their own record of events. Some may have some pretty fancy equipment unfamiliar to security staff. It’s possible that a South Korean’s state-of-the-art minidigicam type thingy could be a Chinese police officer’s idea of sabotage electronics. This will be win-win for China, whose top reverse engineers will be on hand to ‘take good care of things while you’re enjoying the synchronized swimming.’ 

That leaves drinks. What’s to say? August in Beijing: a seething cauldron of humidity and trace elements and no water to wash it all down with. Lunacy. Total fucking lunacy. Or greed. There will, no doubt, be drinks available inside venues at ten times the price of the identical items withheld moments earlier by security. If this suspicion is anywhere near the mark, the BOCOG would do well to have a rethink now. That assumes, of course, they’re not in on the scam.

And finally ….

If everything is okay, a person can pass through a standard security check in about five seconds. But that might be longer for media workers if they are carrying a lot of equipment. 

So, to be clear: if you are not in possession of firearms, drugs, toxins, grenades, plutonium, livestock, electrical devices, big flags, or drinks, you’ll be through the turnstile in a jiffy. Unless you’re a reporter, in which case anything more than a notebook and pencil is going to result in a messy confrontation. This will provide entertainment and photo opportunities for the spectators kept waiting by those thoughtless bastards who brought their own water to the stadium on a day when it was only 90 in the shade.

Just a few thoughts.

Jeremiah is once again doing a great job of advancing the understanding of current events in a historical context. I recommend the whole piece, but here’s a taster:

The Qing Dynasty (1644-1912) is a good place to start as the Manchus did maintain garrisons on the ?ibetan plateau while administering the region through local elites. The Qing rulers, great patrons of Lamamism, consolidated their rule by maintaining cultural and religious ties with ?ibet beyond mere military occupation. They also–generally but not always–ruled with a light touch, allowing relative autonomy in religious and cultural matters, which suited the situation quite well. The Qing Dynasty was, after all, a large, multi-ethnic empire, and maintaining order and peace in outlying territories was the utmost concern.

The problem is that the PRC is a nation-state, and the demands a nation-state places on its people are different than those of an empire. It is not enough that Tibetans merely pay taxes and not revolt, they must also identify with the nation-state first and foremost, with other cultural and religious aspects secondary to the demands of modern state building. Empires want to be respected, nation-states want to be loved. That’s a sticky wicket the Qing never had to face.

This is a telling point. The CCP have always demanded allegiance and have often demonstrated brutality when they don’t get it. Intolerance towards the true feelings of Tibetans with regard to their cultural and spiritual leanings is one example. The latest evidence of this has been the petulant demonisation of the Dalai Lama by China’s leaders, and the requirement of Tibetan students in Beijing to denounce His Holiness:

They are required to provide four answers, Tibetan sources told The Times. First, they must write a reply to the question “What position does the Dalai Lama occupy in your heart?” Second, they must provide the address and place of work of their parents. Third, they must give details of their own identity card. Finally, they must guarantee not to take part in any political activities.

The recent violence should be condemned, as should some of the actions and policies in the last 50 years of Tibetan history that lie at the heart of the current problems. But forcing citizens to swear ‘loyalty to the emperor’ can only be seen as a backward step in a progressive society. This move would be embarrassing even if it was a joke. We know that it’s not a joke because the CCP don’t have a sense of humour, much less respect for free thought.

Whatever the geopolitical reality is for the Tibetan region, its marginalised indigenous population regard their land as being occupied by unwanted forces. There are two alternatives open to the Chinese government. One is to enter into a meaningful dialogue that will produce a framework acceptable to both Beijing and the Tibetan people, a dialogue that must include the Dalai Lama. The other is to drive every last vestige of cultural identity from the hearts and minds of the Tibetan people. Indications so far are that Beijing favours the latter approach.